Have You Been...Drinking?

I have a smallish mash-up/signwreck to share, for which I alas have no picture.  But the visual is not quite so funny as the concept, and I trust my own story-telling skills enough to recount this humorous little incident.

Yesterday at work we had a bake sale for the Combined Federal Campaign, the pre-winter holidays month-long charity drive, the only time when anyone can solicit donations for any cause in the federal workplace.  There's an entire book of places you can select to donation a bit of your paycheck every week, and plenty of paperwork, but our coordinators have tried - successfully, I think - to shake things up a bit.  One such initiative is this bake sale, for which I contributed some of my delicious Chocolate Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies (cow patties). 

Naturally, as is often the case with things of this scale, far more was contributed than could possibly be consumed in the course of a single day (I'm told the big conference room on the north side of the building was full), so today they've assembled the remnants in the break room and are selling them for half price.  As I was walking down the hall to the bathroom this afternoon I noticed that some signs had been put up directing would-be buyers to the location of this second, smaller sale.  The title was what caught my eye:

Hangover Bake Sale

In the Break Room

10am until everything's gone!

Not leftover, mind you, hangover.  I had the irresistible image of my boss and various other senior workers staggering drunk into the break room and scarfing cookies and cupcakes "until everything's gone," and nearly lost it in the middle of the hallway.  Especially because my boss is on a diet...

Might I also add that none of my cookies made it to the hangover bake sale?  You see, when I bake a thing, people like it.  Even food-fussies like the communications director.  Ha!

Take Your Leave Bank and Shove It!

In a staff meeting today one of the administrative assistants was talking about a program she thought we should promote.  It's a leave bank, in which you (and everyone else) can deposit hours of leave and then draw them out at a later date.  You can draw out more than you put in if people agree to give you their leave, which is good for sudden family emergencies that you don't have enough leave to deal with, accidents, and so on.  The assistant explained it this way:

"A leave bank...you know, a suppository, where you can bank your leave and then withdraw it again later."

Were not this woman  fearsome and the one who controls access to my boss I might have cracked a grin at this, but when faced with terrible consequences I remain as emotionless as possible (so did everyone else - though I wish I knew who else caught it).  I wrote it down, though, and now you all know, so you can take your leave bank and shove it.  "And then withdraw it again later."  (Aaaagh!)

Mash-ups

One of the communications staff at work sits across from our IT point person, and periodically the two of them converse.  Since they're just a few desks away, I can't help but hear what they say, and yesterday I overheard a rather funny mash-up.

They were discussing a disused mental hospital that the communications guy had toured with a mutual acquaintance, and he (communications) related that the mutual acquaintance, upon seeing one of the dark, abandoned basements, remarked that he would like to bring his wife there - and leave her.  "Just like," the communications guy chortled, "a cask of Monte Cristo!"

Give it a minute.

It didn't take me too long to figure out that he was shooting for "Just like a cask of Amontillado," from the Edgar Allan Poe story.  How "Monte Cristo", as in the count of (Dumas) got into the matter, I don't know.

I chuckled to myself over this amusing slip of the tongue and concluded that the communications guy had simply mixed his stories.  Isolated incident, surely.

But this afternoon the two of them were talking again, this time on the topic of religion.  I missed the beginning of the discussion because I was at lunch, but when I came back Communications was expounding on saints.  I actually had work to do but overheard a mention of St. Ignatius of Padua, patron saint of lost causes.  Ai!

I suppose for one who isn't Catholic (and I suspect Communications Dude isn't), the saints are a bit mystifying, in which case I would recommend that you refrain from pronouncing authoritatively about their various characteristics.  But to clarify for the record, there are three different saints in this mash-up:

1. St. Ignatius of Loyola, a Spanish (Basque) knight and founder of the Jesuits, patron saint of soldiers

2. St. Anthony of Padua, a Portuguese Franciscan who spent most of his life in Padua, Italy, and is patron saint of lost things (not causes)

3.  St. Jude the Apostle, one of the original Twelve, who is the patron saint of lost and desperate causes

Now, I suppose one could confuse Ignatius and Anthony, since they're both Iberian and monks, and Anthony with Jude, for being patrons of lost stuff, but mixing all three together is bewildering to me.  I can't help but wonder if CD has a proclivity for these sorts of mash-ups, and I'm a wee bit ashamed to admit that I may start listening for them in the future...