The problem with the Eisenhower (besides the horrible website), is that it's trying to be too much. Or perhaps i should say was trying to be too much. The new half is fine - it's a bland, run-of-the-mill hotel. But whenever they built the older half, they couldn't decide if they were going to buy into the whole "historic Gettysburg" theme (a la colonial Williamsburg), or if they were going to try to be a sort of tropical resort getaway in the middle of Pennsylvania. Unfortunately for all of us, they tried to do both. Witness the results:
At first, I thought things looked pretty normal - even rather nice, what with the nice wooden headboard. But then I looked a little closer and realized that this room didn't know what it wanted to be. Did we want to go with antiques, wood, half-timbered and so on?
Or did we want to remember in vivid ways the most horrible era of design this country has ever experienced?
Oh, and if that couch isn't bad enough for you (I didn't even touch it), take a closer look at that carpet:
I feel...a bit queasy.
Now, step outside with me onto the balcony. "Ooh, a balcony!" you say. Just wait for it.
That's right. It's neither the 1800s nor the 80s - it's flipping Tahiti.
Allow me to show you around the plaza below. If you're a bit tired, just relax in these comfortable wicker chairs:
Try not to feel like a bird in a cage, and do resist the temptation to re-enact the "Sixteen, Going on Seventeen" scene from The Sound of Music - the gazebo is too small.
Now if you've been hankering for a drink, since there's nothing else to do in the evenings in rural Pennsylvania, belly-up to the tiki bar:
But don't drink too much, or you may fall in the pool, or the hot tub, (which in the interest of truth in advertising I have just renamed the "lukewarm tub"). Just step up the red carpet, folks, and mind the trees - they're real, and they shed.
Getting tired of Tahiti? Then come on back to America, circa the gay '90s (you know, when we forcibly took over Hawaii)! Just remember, "no shirt, no shoes, no service!" (As if I would ever want to take off my shirt or shoes in this place!)
Don't expect to find any alcohol in this wholesome little shop, though - this is Pennsylvania, remember! (Lord, I had nearly forgotten, what with all the tropical decor and the shopfronts straight out of Disneyland.)
On top of it all, the roof above all of this...ensemble...leaks. So if you were to sit out in one of these wicker chairs, or out on your balcony (as I did), it's entirely possible that you could get some cold water dripped down your neck (as I did). Just to remind you that this isn't tropical Disneyland, but Pennsylvania in the middle of the winter. It just might be the case that most of use brought alcohol and shared it with each other on those three long, cold nights...perhaps a bit like the soldiers who spent three hot nights here back in 1863, not knowing what was going to happen to them the next day but sharing drinks nonetheless?
But anyhow, what are your thoughts on this hotel? Ever stayed in worse? Or is this not bad, merely "different"? Let me know in the comments!
No comments:
Post a Comment